The In Between

About a month after my diagnosis, I was chatting with a dear friend. Our stories are eerily similar. Both of us had breast cancer and opted for double mastectomies. Both of us fought through chemo while raising children. Both of us are married to engineers (you can pray for us 😊). We even had the same oncologist and plastic surgeon.

Her journey started about a year before mine and I had the privilege of watching as she and her husband prayerfully navigated cancer with faith and wisdom.  I often wondered if faced with something similar, would I be filled with such grace?

As we chatted that day, my friend encouraged me to keep a gratitude journal. A place to write down the ways people were helping us. And then, she told me to write thank you notes.

I smiled politely, nodded, and mumbled something along the lines of “Oh, what a nice idea.” But in my head, there was a much different dialogue. “Thank you notes?! What?! Thank you notes!!! You have to be kidding me. I don’t have time for thank you notes. I am barely keeping my head above water. The number of doctor appointments is ridiculous and there is so much to read and understand. I am still reeling from the shock of my diagnosis. The last thing I need is one more to do. Besides, I have cancer. The least people can do is bring me a meal or watch my kids.”

I was scared, overwhelmed, and angry. I firmly set my mind against both the journal and the thank you notes, but my friend was lovingly persistent. She kept bringing it up, and finally, one day (she must have sensed my stubbornness), showed up at my house with a pack of thank you notes and stamps.

Finally, begrudgingly, I conceded and began the process of writing out the ways people were helping us. The pages filled quickly. As I wrote, I found myself praying and giving thanks to God for these many blessings. Slowly, my heart and my attitude changed. I saw God at work in those pages of blessings and it left me in awe.

Even now, when I skim the journal, God’s care for us in that excruciating time is so evident. It took many forms. That perfect, nourishing meal that allowed my family to gather around the table, laugh, and be normal for a few hours. The angel of a nurse who soothed so many of our fears after a long week of appointments. A buddy taking Mark out for a beer just to get him out of the house. The friend who sewed the perfect pillows for under my arms that gave me relief from the awful drains I had to live with for weeks after my surgery. The list could go on and on, but more important than the gifts were the opportunity that these gifts provided. They gave me the opportunity to give thanks. When fear and anxiety would creep in, I would head back to my journal. It was solid evidence of how God had already provided. It bolstered my faith. It gave me hope. It got me praying and giving thanks.

Philippians 4:6-7 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This passage of the Bible is rich with so much to unpack, but for now, let’s look at the connection between anxiety, prayerful thanksgiving, and the peace of God.

Whenever we dig into the Bible, an important question to ask is, “What does the text say?” The Bible is the inspired Word of God that is written under the guidance of the Holy Spirit (see II Timothy 3:16).  That can be a mouthful, but in simple terms it means that the Bible, although handwritten by men, was directed by God. So we know that when we read the Bible, it is His Words we are reading. It is His guidance for our life.

First, in these verses we are told what not to do, “Do not be anxious about anything”.

Then, God tells us how not to be anxious, “in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God”.

Finally, God wraps up these verses with a promise. The promise of what will happen if we take His advice, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Basically, God is telling us that we can combat anxiety with prayer, but not just any prayer, prayer given with thanksgiving. The result of this type of prayer is peace, and not just any peace, the peace of God.

This is a powerful Truth. One that the medical community also recognizes. Go ahead and Google it. I did and was amazed at the pages and pages of articles and studies highlighting the connection between anxiety and thanksgiving.

But God has known about this connection all along and I love that I can personally attest to the truth of these verses. I had anxiety and fear. I turned to God in prayer and gave thanks and it brought me peace. Peace that defied logic. Peace when I had no business feeling peace. God’s peace.

Our loving God always knows what is best for us and He knew what was best for me as I fought cancer. He knew it would take the loving persistence of my friend to break down my stubborn anger and instead give thanks. He knew the horrible fears and anxieties that would plague me and start to creep in. He understood that once you hear those words, “I’m sorry, the biopsy showed it was cancer” that your world shatters and peace can be elusive. He knew that only the peace of God would suffice in guarding my heart and mind through this ordeal. He knew I needed to prayerfully give thanks.

As I close, I wonder how many of you might need a friend to show up at your house with a box of thank you notes and stamps? When you are in the trenches, fighting fear and anxiety, I know the difficulty of those first steps of prayerful gratitude. I know how silly it can feel carrying around a journal and how overwhelming it can be to think of even one positive thing. But, I shudder to think about how different my months of treatment would have been if I had not chosen gratitude. Prayerful gratitude changed my heart. It pointed me to God and it gave me His peace. An amazing and lasting peace that defies logic.

So, on those hard days when my anxieties are triggered and I catch myself going down that bitter path again, I return to prayerful thanks. It rights my course and helps me again find peace. His peace.